You Are Not Your Insecurities: Moving Past Your Ex’s Criticisms

The end of a marriage comes with many consequences, some of which don’t make their appearance until after the final documents are signed and you’ve started to move on with your life. Women who have spent years or even decades being criticized by their spouses often develop crippling insecurities as a result of being constantly cut down. Healing from this and pushing through it is a big part of building your new life.

Many Women Come Out of a Marriage with Deep Insecurities

If you find yourself unable to tackle certain tasks without hearing your ex’s voice in your head, please know that you are not alone. Consider a woman whose ex-husband would constantly criticize how she did the laundry, making it a point to find perceived flaws in every load. He didn’t see the effort she put into it or appreciate the fact that his clothes were always clean and ready to wear—he simply wanted to maintain control over her. After the divorce, laundry was still a chore that filled the woman with a sense of dread. There was no one there to criticize her, but the effects of her ex-husband’s words lived on.

This type of insecurity can affect other areas of your life as well, including your career and your parenting. If your ex complained about how long it took you to get the kids ready for school, you could find yourself constantly checking the clock every morning—even when you’re ahead of schedule. If he told you that you didn’t contribute enough financially, getting your paystub every two weeks could be a stressful event for you.

You Get to Set Your Own Standards

When the alternative is being married to someone who gets their joy from criticizing you, divorce sets you free. You don’t have to hold yourself to your ex’s impossible standards—he no longer has any say in your life. An imperfectly finished task is still finished. Think about the woman in the initial example. It took her a long time to stop dreading laundry and stop looking for missed stains or wrinkles. When she did, she freed herself a little bit more from her ex-husband’s expectations.

The Sooner You Face Your Worries, the Sooner You Can Defeat Them

In this type of situation, the only way out is through. You can’t just ignore the tasks that bring you worry; you’ll end up with an overgrown lawn, a house full of dirty clothes, or children who are consistently late to school. If you are struggling to move past the mental hurdle of the task, consider meeting with a therapist or counselor to help you heal from the hurt of your marriage. From there, it’s just a matter of jumping in and getting it done. The more you successfully complete a task—to your own standards, not your ex’s—the more you’ll realize how much power you hold in your own life.

Need help with your divorce case? Reach out to Indiana Divorce Lawyers today to start exploring your options.

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Indiana Divorce Lawyers, Pastrana LLC

At Indiana Divorce Lawyers, we look at how divorce affects you on every level. We don’t believe in a dry, stoic approach that handles the legal aspects of divorce while leaving you alone to address the complicated emotions and growth that you’re bound to experience. The end of your marriage is a new beginning for you, and we’re ready to walk you through every step.

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